By Special Executive Order of the President.
Be sure to mark your calendars.
As you may already know, it is a sin for a Radical Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. So this July 4th at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All Patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Radical Muslims and to demonstrate their support for all American women. Since the Islam religion also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Radical Muslim sentiment. The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this Patriotic activity.
God Bless Amercia!