I attended a Rose Croix funeral service this evening for one of our dearly departed Brethren, Illustrious Brother Jobie Goslee. It’s a beautiful ceremony and I feel honored to participate in it. As a participant it is also an opportunity to get all gussied up in my tuxedo, which is why I wound up having fun on my way home, at Wal-Mart.
I stopped in to get a few groceries. Apparently, wearing a tuxedo in Wal-Mart is similar to a hooker going to church; everyone wonders where you’ve been, what you’ve been doing, and why you’re here.
Most people played it cool; they just glanced at me and then looked away as if to say, “Oh my God, the imaginary guy in the tuxedo is back.”
Some people were friendly and nodded to me approvingly.
One lady was especially friendly as she welcomed me to Wal-Mart.
And, one young lady actually greeted me and told me I looked nice, and then beamed when I thanked her and responded that she looked nice, too.
Then, of course, there were the others. Like the guy who waited until I was around the corner, and he thought out of earshot, before he turned to his wife and said, “Bond, James Bond.”
Or, the kid who was trying too hard to impress his friends when he called from the far end of the aisle, “Excuse me sir, have you any Grey Poupon?”
My favorite, though, was the young girl who asked me to do the Happy Feet dance, and when I explained that I hadn’t seen the movie she broke into dance and showed me how it was done.
I still don’t think I can do the Happy Feet dance, but now I’m thinking maybe I’ll just wear my tux sometimes for the fun of it.
There’s been a lot of talk in the news recently about this Swine Flu, or H1N1 virus. They say they’re expecting it to get worse this Winter and we should all be taking precautions. I was reminded of this earlier when I was in the store and saw this big jug of hand sanitizer. You’ve probably seen it; it looks like clear runny Jell-O. I figured it couldn’t hurt to be prepared so I asked the guy to bring a forklift and load me up a jug.
I went on about my shopping but every time I reached for something I couldn’t help but wonder how many other hands had already touched that can or that box or that banana. By the time I was done I was more than a little obsessed with thoughts of having touched things that were touched by other hands that had touched other things that had been touched by yet other hands.
When I got out to the truck with my load of goods and groceries the first thing I did was break open my new jug of hand sanitizer. I slathered it all over my hands and then leaned back in the seat to take a deep breath. After a bit I was ready to go, but as my hand touched the ignition key I realized I had touched that key before sanitizing my hands. So, I went back to the jug and this time I sanitized the key as well as my hands.
But then, I looked around. I had also touched the steering wheel, and the door handle, and the center console, and the climate controls, and who knows what was on my hands in the past when I didn’t have hand sanitizer? I’m a little fuzzy on the details but the next thing I knew, I and the inside of my truck looked like we’d been attacked by the Blob. There was clear runny Jell-O everywhere, but I was pretty sure it was safe.
Unfortunately, I had used up nearly all of my jug of hand sanitizer; which meant I was going to have to go back into the store for more; which meant I was going to have to…….touch stuff……..ohhh no.