Be Careful What You Say

Are you talkin to me?
You talkin to me?

I hope your day is as sweet and rich and smooth as the finest hot chocolate.

Not all dogs are welcome here at the CowChows. Of course, well behaved dogs are always welcome but my bride has a thing about stepping in yard biscuits and I don’t blame her. I’m not too crazy about them myself. So, the other day when a big black pooch came sniffing around for a tree to leave a present under I was all too happy to oblige when she asked me to run him off.

When conversing with an animal in situations like this I usually try to speak to them in their own language. I flirt with the heifers across the fence and I taunt the bull; I chatter with the grouchy squirrels; I try to engage the neighborhood cat; and yes, I bark with the dogs. I have always thought that it was my tone of voice that mattered more than what I actually said.

So, I came out of the door at a run and headed straight for the dog. I went into my best imitation of a badass Rottweiler……WROOR, WROOR, WROOR, WROOR, WROOR. He took off running as I expected he would, and I stayed after him for a ways to make sure he got my meaning. I was about halfway across the yard, still making my point when I apparently said something about his Mother.

He stopped and turned around. He replied with some pretty nasty sounding language of his own, but I was determined to show him who was boss so I continued my tirade. He started towards me and then it was my turn to stop. We stood in the yard for several minutes arguing loudly in Caninian. We took turns advancing and retreating. It finally dawned on me that this was not an argument I was going to win and I was not prepared for a fight. Besides, he was arguing while I was only making noise. So, I gave him one last WOOF and went inside.

Funny thing was, after I quit making noise he left and hasn’t come back. Hope I didn’t make him mad.


Tim Couch