Use Onions to Prevent Flu

Oh-noo! Mr. Bill!
Oh-noo! Mr. Bill!

Life at the CowChows is a little stinky lately. You may not know this about me but I have a quirk, or two. One of my quirks is that I’m a bit of a germ-o-phobe. I’m not quite ready to don a surgical mask and gloves in public, but only because I can’t decide whether they should match my socks or my belt. But, being in the midst of cold and flu season I am always on the lookout for anything that might keep me and the Ladybug healthy. So naturally, the onion cure caught my interest.

Apparently, there are several supposedly true stories to support this. You cut onions in two and place the halves in bowls and place the bowls throughout your house. Somehow the onion absorbs the bacteria that cause cold, flu and other viruses. The onion will turn black as it absorbs these germs and then you just throw it away and slice another onion. One story describes placing a slice of onion on the bottom of each foot, covered with a new, white cotton sock. You do this at bedtime and in the morning your fever will be gone. I’m not sure why the socks have to be new, or white, or cotton, but if it works I’m not going to quibble.

So, as you can imagine the CowChows is pretty aromatic these days but then I got to thinking. If onions in the house protect me from germs in the house then wouldn’t it make sense to be protected outside the house, as well? Why wait until I bring the germs home to expose them to the cure? So, I went out and bought twenty pounds of onions and a big bag of new white cotton socks. I have to warn you, though, the onion slices are a little uncomfortable to walk on until you get them all squished up, but the extra arch support is kind of nice.

Then, I got to thinking about how far the germs have to travel to get to the onions. They enter through the nose or mouth and have to go all the way to the feet to get out. So, I thought I would give them a shortcut and I put onions in my pockets. Apparently, the cure is working because I haven’t been sick since I started using it and after a while you don’t really notice the smell so much. Plus, Ladybug says when I perspire I smell like a cheeseburger and who doesn’t like a big old juicy cheeseburger?

Yours in good health,

Tim Couch

Attack of the Blob

Hand Sanitizer in BULK
Hand Sanitizer in BULK

There’s been a lot of talk in the news recently about this Swine Flu, or H1N1 virus. They say they’re expecting it to get worse this Winter and we should all be taking precautions. I was reminded of this earlier when I was in the store and saw this big jug of hand sanitizer. You’ve probably seen it; it looks like clear runny Jell-O. I figured it couldn’t hurt to be prepared so I asked the guy to bring a forklift and load me up a jug.

I went on about my shopping but every time I reached for something I couldn’t help but wonder how many other hands had already touched that can or that box or that banana. By the time I was done I was more than a little obsessed with thoughts of having touched things that were touched by other hands that had touched other things that had been touched by yet other hands.

When I got out to the truck with my load of goods and groceries the first thing I did was break open my new jug of hand sanitizer. I slathered it all over my hands and then leaned back in the seat to take a deep breath. After a bit I was ready to go, but as my hand touched the ignition key I realized I had touched that key before sanitizing my hands. So, I went back to the jug and this time I sanitized the key as well as my hands.

But then, I looked around. I had also touched the steering wheel, and the door handle, and the center console, and the climate controls, and who knows what was on my hands in the past when I didn’t have hand sanitizer? I’m a little fuzzy on the details but the next thing I knew, I and the inside of my truck looked like we’d been attacked by the Blob. There was clear runny Jell-O everywhere, but I was pretty sure it was safe.

Unfortunately, I had used up nearly all of my jug of hand sanitizer; which meant I was going to have to go back into the store for more; which meant I was going to have to…….touch stuff……..ohhh no.

Hope your day goes well. Cordially yours,

Tim Couch