Use Onions to Prevent Flu

Oh-noo! Mr. Bill!
Oh-noo! Mr. Bill!

Life at the CowChows is a little stinky lately. You may not know this about me but I have a quirk, or two. One of my quirks is that I’m a bit of a germ-o-phobe. I’m not quite ready to don a surgical mask and gloves in public, but only because I can’t decide whether they should match my socks or my belt. But, being in the midst of cold and flu season I am always on the lookout for anything that might keep me and the Ladybug healthy. So naturally, the onion cure caught my interest.

Apparently, there are several supposedly true stories to support this. You cut onions in two and place the halves in bowls and place the bowls throughout your house. Somehow the onion absorbs the bacteria that cause cold, flu and other viruses. The onion will turn black as it absorbs these germs and then you just throw it away and slice another onion. One story describes placing a slice of onion on the bottom of each foot, covered with a new, white cotton sock. You do this at bedtime and in the morning your fever will be gone. I’m not sure why the socks have to be new, or white, or cotton, but if it works I’m not going to quibble.

So, as you can imagine the CowChows is pretty aromatic these days but then I got to thinking. If onions in the house protect me from germs in the house then wouldn’t it make sense to be protected outside the house, as well? Why wait until I bring the germs home to expose them to the cure? So, I went out and bought twenty pounds of onions and a big bag of new white cotton socks. I have to warn you, though, the onion slices are a little uncomfortable to walk on until you get them all squished up, but the extra arch support is kind of nice.

Then, I got to thinking about how far the germs have to travel to get to the onions. They enter through the nose or mouth and have to go all the way to the feet to get out. So, I thought I would give them a shortcut and I put onions in my pockets. Apparently, the cure is working because I haven’t been sick since I started using it and after a while you don’t really notice the smell so much. Plus, Ladybug says when I perspire I smell like a cheeseburger and who doesn’t like a big old juicy cheeseburger?

Yours in good health,

Tim Couch