Obama’s New Golf Czar

Image of Obama's unidentified Golf Czar
Who is Obama's new Golf Czar?

President Obama has now appointed a Golf Czar. The identity of the newly appointed czar is still unknown but announcements were just made of major rule changes to the game of golf. These changes are expected to become effective March 2010 and may be retroactive in southern States. This is only a preview as new rules, regulations and legislation are still being finalized. Here are a few basic changes:

Golfers handicaps:

  • Below 10 – greens fees will be increased by 35%
  • Between 11 and 18 – no increase in greens fees
  • Above 18 – player will receive a $25 check for each round of 18 holes.

Dollar amounts placed in bets will be as follows:

  • For handicaps below 10, an additional $10 will be assessed
  • For handicaps between 11 and 18, no additional amount
  • For handicaps above 18, players will receive the total amount in the pot even if they do not play.

The term “gimme” will be changed to “entitlement” and will be used as follows:

  • For handicaps below 10, no entitlements
  • For handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts
  • For handicaps above 18, if the ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.

These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.

In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again.

The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes but the term ‘net score’ will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above. This is intended to ‘redistribute’ the success of winning by making sure that in every competition, the above 18 handicap players will post only ‘net score’ against every other player’s gross score

These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf. Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with Ability.

Obama – Hope and Change – You asked for it

Good News from Uncle Sam

Uncle Sam Wants Everything!
Uncle Sam Wants Everything!

It’s always nice to receive good news, and the government seems to be full of it these days. We received word just this morning that according to the Department of Labor there was no rise in the cost of living during the past year. This was really good news.

In fact, I was so relieved and elated by this news that I called up my health insurance company and explained to Betty that the forty percent increase in my premiums must have been a mistake because the Department of Labor said so. Betty is a very jolly lady and I’m pretty sure she is still laughing.

I was sure, though, that this declaration by the Department of Labor would carry some weight so I called the number for the company that delivers our propane. They recently filled the tank and I was certain they would want to know about this Comsumer Price Index thing and how it was not to cost any more to live this year than last. Paul was not so amused.

Still, I wanted to share our good fortune so I called up a friend of mine and said, “Tom, guess what, there was no rise in the cost of living during the past year! Isn’t that great news?”

And Tom, he likes numbers, he said, “Well let’s see, there’s over four million more people out of work than there was at this time last year. So, if you got nothing to live on and the cost of living is going to be the same then, well, at least you can budget for it. So yeah, I guess that is really good news.” Tom’s kind of sarcastic like that.

Still, I knew there had to be someone who would appreciate hearing this news. So, I called up my Congressman, and I said, “Hey Honorable, did you hear that there was no rise in the cost of living during the past year?”

And he said, “I say, I say, I say, that’s right boy! I worked hard this past year to keep down the rise in the cost of living. It was a constant and exhausting battle against overwhelming odds, but I fought with all my might and in the end the cost of living did not rise. I did it for the people. No need to thank me. You’re welcome. Don’t forget to vote. Are you registered?”

Finally, someone who truly appreciated the good news.

Dear Dad

Righty-tighty. Lefty-loosey.
Righty-tighty. Lefty-loosey.

Dear Dad,

Just wanted to drop you line and say Happy Father’s Day. I know we don’t often talk about our relationship or our feelings. Not often, not ever really. I guess that’s just the way it is between father and son. But, some things I think need to be said.

You taught me a lot of things over the years and I want you to know I’m grateful. You taught me the satisfaction of helping others without expecting anything in return. You taught me that stregnth lies not in doing what you can but in persevering even when you think you can’t. You taught me the importance of truth, liberty and justice.

Some things you taught by example, some by instruction, and some by accident. You taught me to work on cars by example and instruction. You taught me to cuss by accident while watching you work on cars.

I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye on everything, and I know that’s okay. I know you may have had a different path or destiny in mind for me than the one I chose. I know that some of the most difficult moments in your life were those when you had to stand down and let me make my own mistakes. But, I want you to know that I’m doing okay. Life is not easy, but you never promised it would be. I’ve made my mistakes, as we all have, and hopefully I have learned to be a better man because of them.

Most of all, Dad, you taught me a love of God and family and friends that will sustain me and nourish me for the rest of my life. I have a good and loving wife; I have a large and extended family; and I have many good friends. You taught me to love and cherish the important things in life and these are the things I hold most dear.

I know you sometimes wonder if you could’ve done more or should’ve done differently, but as for me, Dad, you did good.

With love and affection,

Tim