Obama’s New Golf Czar

Image of Obama's unidentified Golf Czar
Who is Obama's new Golf Czar?

President Obama has now appointed a Golf Czar. The identity of the newly appointed czar is still unknown but announcements were just made of major rule changes to the game of golf. These changes are expected to become effective March 2010 and may be retroactive in southern States. This is only a preview as new rules, regulations and legislation are still being finalized. Here are a few basic changes:

Golfers handicaps:

  • Below 10 – greens fees will be increased by 35%
  • Between 11 and 18 – no increase in greens fees
  • Above 18 – player will receive a $25 check for each round of 18 holes.

Dollar amounts placed in bets will be as follows:

  • For handicaps below 10, an additional $10 will be assessed
  • For handicaps between 11 and 18, no additional amount
  • For handicaps above 18, players will receive the total amount in the pot even if they do not play.

The term “gimme” will be changed to “entitlement” and will be used as follows:

  • For handicaps below 10, no entitlements
  • For handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts
  • For handicaps above 18, if the ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.

These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.

In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again.

The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes but the term ‘net score’ will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above. This is intended to ‘redistribute’ the success of winning by making sure that in every competition, the above 18 handicap players will post only ‘net score’ against every other player’s gross score

These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf. Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with Ability.

Obama – Hope and Change – You asked for it

2 thoughts on “Obama’s New Golf Czar”

  1. George W. Bush’s SEC Golf Rules

    Here are a few of the changes:

    Golfers with handicaps:

    – below 10 will only be required to have 5% of the money they are betting in their pocket on the day of the match

    – between 11 and 18 will be required to have 100% of the money they are betting in their pockets on the day of the match, plus 37% of the money being bet by the below 10 handicap group

    – above 18 will be required to have 125% of the money they are betting in their pocket on the day of the match, plus the 58% remainder of money being bet by the below 10 handicappers

    – The below 10 handicap players will then arrange for a 2nd group of below 10 handicap golfers to set up “bet default insurance” on the 95% of cash the first group of low handicappers don’t have in pocket.

    – The first group of below 10 handicap golfers will pay a small premium to the second group of low handicap golfers for this insurance, but since their bet is now insured and “AAA”, they can go make more bets with only 5% of cash in their pockets. They can leverage their 5% of bet money by a factor of 100, or more!

    – In the meantime, the second group of low handicap golfers will sell trillions more of this “bet insurance” to low handicap golfers all over the country for lots of fees. But they will not reserve any money for paying out because that would tie up capital and is “excessive gov’t regulation” and really, how likely is it that low handicap golfers are going to make bad bets?

    – Then, a third group of low handicap golfers will figure out that they can bundle up the 1st group’s bet insurance contracts into units, buy a 2nd layer of “bet insurance” on those, and earn their own fees! Epic!

    – Then the first group of low handicap golfers says – “But my God, “government regulation” is strangling this business, and we’d like to bet more, let’s go to “W’s” SEC and talk.”

    – “W’s SEC says “okay, it looks like gov’t regulation is strangling you, we are going to lower your requirement for cash on hand to 2.5%”.

    – All three groups of low handicap golfers yell “Hooray!”, and another $100 trillion of leveraged business is in the pipeline.

    – But then, on their very first, original bet, the one that all other contracts are written on, the low handicap golfers get their asses kicked by some high-handicap golfers that they were sure they had totally screwed on the 1st tee.

    – The first low handicap group goes to their “bet insurance” providers, but after 100 fold leverage and no reserves, the “bet insurance” people have no money, and there is no payout.

    – Then, all three groups of low handicap golfers have an idea, “Let’s get all the mid and high handicap golfers, who weren’t playing in our matches, and then all the people who don’t even play golf or have never even heard of golf (in the entire country) to come up with money to cover us. If they don’t do it, they’re hosed, as $176 trillion dollars of worthless “bet insurance” (derivatives) in the banking system will make their dollars, well….worthless. $2.5 trillion of their money to cover our original underlying “bets” ought to prop up the remaining $173.5 trillion until we can get out of town.” Brilliant!

    – “Then, we’ll blame all this on the 1% of high-handicap golfers we thought we had totally screwed on the 1st tee. They are irresponsible bettors, and through their dishonesty and general sorryness, and even though they have no money, they almost destroyed the world financial system. Thank god for us low handicappers being on watch.” Brilliant!

    So yes, I think even non-golfers will understand this after they’ve been paying for 10 or 15 years.

    Jack

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